Being An Understudy

by John Boyle

Here's how being understudy has been described:

On the one hand, you're in the hottest show on Broadway,

On the other hand,

you're like the extra sheets in the closet,

in case someone wets the bed.

Anyone in the theatre will tell you

being an understudy

is the hardest job in the theatre.

And yet, in the year before 9/11, there I was,

Standing between John Ritter and Henry Winkler

with Neil Simon just a few feet away

as we all checked out what would be our new home for the next year

on the stage of the Music Box Theatre on 45th Street.

The same stage where Paul Newman starred in "Picnic"

And Marlon Brando had his Broadway debut in "I Remember Mama."

The two television icons, Ritter and Winkler, were to star in Neil Simon's "The Dinner Party."

And I was hired to just be there …

To stand by …

To live constantly in the moment ...

Alert, yet relaxed …

But ready every moment for that split second when Ritter's very next entrance might instead be my Broadway debut.

So night after night, I'd watch from different vantage points in the theatre,

And, not just watch, I'd whisper the lines before they came out of the actor's mouths

I'd squeeze myself between the curtain and the proscenium, inching as close as possible

to the spill of the hot lights …

I thought if I could just …

feel the surge coming from the waves of laughter breaking on the stage … I'd be ready

And then, it happened.

Ritter was going to Los Angeles

and the upcoming weekend was mine.

When you're an understudy,

you're mostly invisible …

Don't get me wrong, people are nice to you,

you're one of the family …

but, night after night, the proceedings are definitely

not about you.

Until they need you

In that moment you are rocketed out of your comfortable obscurity

and dropped onto what feels like a speeding train

On the day of my performance

I got a brief run-thru of the play with the cast

a few hours before the show.

The actors couldn't have been more supportive,

After all, I was an unknown and, for all they knew,

potentially unpredictable element

being added to their high-wire act that night.

And then they were gone,

It was four o'clock in the afternoon

Three hours before anyone would disturb

the stillness echoing in the theatre

The perfect time to reflect on all that could go wrong.

But by the time the cast and crew returned

I thought I had put out all the fires in my head.

I was ready to go.

A fellow understudy passed and asked,

"you okay?"

"I'm great," I answered

"you'll do fine," he said and continued on his way.

I couldn't help but wonder if he was jealous and secretly hoped I'd stumble.

Or maybe my face was betraying

The horror I thought I was masking so well …

I peeked in a mirror

Normal, I thought

But when the wardrobe lady passed me and slowed,

Searching … kindly

for the fear in my eyes

and asked, "You okay?"

I began to get a sense of how big a train wreck this could be

"Oh yeah," I lied. "I'm good."

"Honey, you're gonna do just great," she said,

But because I'd heard all this before

I knew that she was really thinking

"Oh, thank God it's not me!"

This was not helping me

But it didn't matter

"Places for Act One Please!"

I walked out onto the stage, alone

conscious of my breathing

and the chatter from the audience

on the other side of the curtain.

The audience's first view would be of my back

as I admired a beautiful mural on the wall of an elegant restaurant in Paris

Winkler would make his entrance seconds later

And we'd be off

A fast-paced … fifteen-page tennis match

courtesy of Neil Simon

between me and the Fonz

It would leave me no room to breathe

let alone search for a line

An intense desire to not humiliate myself made me reach deep inside looking for something to inspire me

Nothing

I was a second away from losing my grip

The assistant stage manager walked onto the set

and handed me my character's glass of champagne

Her parting words were:

"You Okay?

Then, in a whisper, "You're gonna be great."

But it didn't matter

"Ladies and Gentleman, in tonight's performance, the role of Claude Pichon will be played by John Boyle."

I could hear the audience hush

I could feel the curtain rise behind me

I turned to walk into the light …

And in the moment when I took that first step

something completely unexpected happened.

All the years of my training and experience rushed in

And took the place of my fear

I didn't have anything to do with it

It was just there

And by the time I reached center-stage,

I knew I was going to kill

For Columbia Radio News, I'm John Boyle